Yesterday, the University of North Texas purchased a 190-foot-long blimp valued at more than $28 million for reasons that remain almost entirely unclear.
University spokesperson Kent Jones says the school could probably fly the blimp over football games or maybe advertise with it or something, but the UNT administration will have to figure all of that lame shit out later once they’ve stopped using it to join the mile-high club with cheerleaders and other cool party activities along those lines.
“If you’re seriously too much of a pussy to figure out why we’d spring for a dope-ass zeppelin, I’d suggest taking you and your diaper to another university, because this is how we roll here,” Jones explained, popping a bottle of champagne and spraying it over a crowd of strippers.
Jones says buying the blimp wasn’t a difficult decision for the University’s administration: “The thought process was something like this: Our endowment is $124 million, and this blimp cost less than that amount.”
Ronda Hardwick, a spokesperson for the National Blimp Enthusiast Lobby, says this kind of impulse buy is completely normal, and that it’s in fact silly to ask any questions regarding it. “Who could resist purchasing such a majestic airship when the funds with which to do so are sitting right there for the taking? I would have bought two,” she said.
The Electric Eagle 