An estimated 1,200 prospective UNT students have lost their lives so far this summer during mandatory icebreaker activities at freshman orientation, according to a university spokesperson. This body count is a new record for the school, exceeding 2013’s death toll by more than 500 students.
Orientation Program Director Raymond Julio says that although this year’s carnival of death was undeniably metal as fuck, campus administration may request changes to the most dangerous icebreaker activities in order to ensure that some portion of UNT’s freshman population is alive to attend classes in the fall.
Particularly under scrutiny is the popular “Lava Nice Day” activity, in which students are required to navigate an increasingly complex ropes course situated directly over a pit of molten lava. Sources confirm that despite its cheerful name, not a single nice day was experienced during the activity – only the horrific spectacle of melting bone entwined with a sickening aroma of seared flesh.
“These activities are intended to break down the barriers between new students, forcing them to band together and confront challenges while forming bonds of friendship that last a lifetime,” said Julio, cackling madly at a looped video of a freshman falling headfirst into the glowing lava pit cut with the Benny Hill theme.
The UNT spokesperson also said that although the “Have an Ice Day” activity, which challenges students to carve a statue of Scrappy from a solid block of ice with pickaxes before freezing to death in a frozen cave, claimed several hundred lives this year, campus administrators liked the resulting statues so much that no changes are planned for the activity next summer.
Dr. Joyce White, Vice President of Student Affairs, says that while the 1,200 dead students will be mourned, their contribution to the campus will be “forever honored” by using their skulls and assorted bones as a foundation for the new Rawlins Hall residence building, set to open next year.
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